Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
