A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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