I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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