remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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