So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize