dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
