she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
