"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
