I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize