She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
