I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
