Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
