I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
