Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
