It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
