hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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