after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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