I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize