Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
