I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
