I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I need a beard to bite.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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