I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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