you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
