i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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