Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
