ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize