he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
