I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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