At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
