There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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