Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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