period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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