I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
