someone threw a dead crab at me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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