genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
