Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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