see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
