Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
