just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
