Screwed.edu
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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