I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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