who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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