TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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