i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
