My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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