remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
