Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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