I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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