sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize