I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
