His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I believe in your delicious
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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