i don't like sucking hair
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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