I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
