I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
