I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize