If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
