In the future we'll all be gay
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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