well I can't set my house on fire every night
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
