wanna go halves on a baby?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my poor anus
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
