Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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