even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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