i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
