Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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