Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize
