FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
