just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize