We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
