Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
