In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
