Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
