i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
