I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
