u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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