last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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