Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
