T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
