my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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