Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
