i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
