I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
