I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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