either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize