dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
