if i can run in heels then i can drive
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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