I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
