P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
