Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
