when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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