he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
