if i died would you start the facebook group?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
