i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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