i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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