We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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