I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
