just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
