I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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