She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
