So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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