omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drunk is not a location!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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