she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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