woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
