You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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