I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
