roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
