I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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